I had a breakthrough moment today. It was about intention. About purposefully declaring personal intention and identifying those gut-reflex criticisms that try to stand immediately in the way.
When asked to declare three intentions, or things that I intend to be, I came up with Writer, Home-maker, and Guide.
The Guide was a surprising one. I had expected Mother, or Wife, or even Teacher, but Guide?
Then I asked myself what my intention was in each of those. Home-maker was easy enough. I want to create a soft place for my family to fall into, a place of refuge, of peace, of contentment and happiness and joy, of togetherness. I even know how I am going to go about doing that, and I'm well on that path.
The answer to Writer was a bit surprising. I've always written for the story and not really for any real sense of intention. But I realized I want to write to give that same pleasure to others that I had always gotten from reading. I want to share stories with that same passionate sense of adventure that always captivates me. Which means, for me, letting go and letting the passion take over when I write so I capture that passion on the paper to share.
That was my first breakthrough. And it felt huge, like I'd just scaled the wall that had been slowly crumbling in front of me the past several months.
The second came with the Guide. Guide to what? I am surprised that my ideas about how to be a mother echo how to be a teacher. It is all based on experience sharing. It starts with learning from my own experiences in order to share what I've learned to allow others to have that much more of a start on their journey of their own experiences. To guide them through by what I've learned and give them the inspiration to leap forward into their own experiences.
Page counts are solid goals. Books draft completed and edits tackled are solid goals. But I've lacked intention and without that, I've lacked a true drive to meet those goals consistently and joyfully. I have intention now. I've breached the wall. I'm ready to smear my passion across the blank pages and let go.