Friday, February 8, 2008

Back To The Dark Side. . .

. . .but only because the other side says it is so.

It was a dark and stormy night. By warm, ambient candlelight, I was reading when I heard a whir and a click behind me, near to my ear. I turned and there was Bill, holding a gun to my head.

“You’ve got two choices,” he said and smiled in a funny, crooked little way. “You can remain safe, steadfast, and antiquated until June of 2008, or you can upgrade to Vista, now. Your choice but make it quick because soon, your future will depend on it.”

Vista. The sound makes too much of a slithering snake sound in my head. Or maybe that’s just because I’ve seen it, tried to use it and don’t like it one bit. The next upgrade coming down the pike after this one doesn’t look any prettier.

Bill’s retiring this year. My thinking is he’s got nothing but blue skies, or blue vistas, if you will, ahead of him. I’ll be lucky if I can ever retire, not officially that is. No, I think Bill’s gotten enough of my money that he can retire sooner than the other guy, the dark guy, the one he called Steve with a sneer.

He’s right though. I do have my future to think about. I’ve got some hard decisions to make in the coming year and the sooner I sort some things out, the better in the long run. It’s my future and it’s time I invested in it.

“Ah, Bill, Bill,” I smiled back, knowing he had banked on a perceived notion that because I was old, I was resistant to change. “I do have a third option. You and I haven’t been together forever, you know. Before you, Steve and I had a thing going and even in black and white, it was beautiful. But work demanded we forge a relationship, you and I, and I left Steve for you.”

I lowered my tone and looked him dead in the eye.

“You had to have known it couldn’t last, you with your plain-looking computers, your plain Jane laptops. Where’s the appeal, Bill? Where’s the glitz, the glamour, the bling? Sex, Bill, do you know what that is because I can tell you Vista ain’t it. Vista was the last straw for me, Bill, the very last straw.”

And just like that, most all that was Bill vanished into thin air with the exception of his face looking lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I don’t expect Steve will notice my return. He was always a prick, still is one actually and his keynote speeches are still just as painful to sit through as ever. Maybe his stock will go up point zero zero zero three percent this quarter after my visit last night to one of his clean, shiny, white stores, but probably not even that much. He knew where he was going way back then when I had to bid him adieu. Let’s hope he doesn’t believe in holding grudges. Let’s hope he understood then and understands now what took me so long to come back.

Today I’ve returned to the dark side and boy, does it ever feel bright.


Carissa said...

First Kami, now you. I want to be evil too!!

Carole said...

You have a typewriter and type on real live paper. I think that's considered Uber-Evil and I'd bet both Bill and Stevie J would agree.

Carissa said...

I hadn't thought of that!

Whee, I'm uber-evil!! Mwahaha!

Kami said...

I wouldn't worry too much about Bill's gun. He's shooting blanks.

Mark Jones said...

Evil, Schmevil. You're still buying into the Either/Or paradigm. Running linux on a PC built from generic parts--now THAT'S evil.

OpenSUSE 10.3. That's me, baby.