Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Bad Dreams

I know I haven't written in too long because I start to have very vivid dreams. Last night I had not one but about one an hour. Obviously I didn't sleep very well. Normally sleep cycles don't allow for dreams to be that close together, from my understanding anyway. The ones I remembered were all nightmares. One was me trying to survive a tidal wave, and of course because my brain is implanted with this information, the water came in surges that usually raised the water level very rapidly but not so much in cartoon waves but flows. It was also hugely windy. In the second dream, while trying to arrange for a new place to live in an apartment which was hugely stressful (how did I lose my house?!) I looked out the window and saw these men killing children with axes. The last one I remembered was us having recently moved into a two-story condo on the water. I was missing my garden but trying to keep a positive attitude when Huntress got out, went for a fish by diving in the water, and then couldn't get back onto dry land. She swam like crap and started drowning.

All three dreams involve water. If you're Freudian, it's supposed to be all about sex. I'm thinking it's more like about loss and being unable to breathe. I found it interesting that in all three dreams we were displaced from our home. The more I think about it, though I doubt many of you will hold to this theory, the more I think I was sharing dreams and emotional space with Dakota. True or not, the only way to slow down the flood of horror will be to write so my brain is too tired to be creative. Then it'll be back to the usual--shopping, housework, and back in school dreams. It doesn't take long in either direction. I have to not-write for 2-3 days to start dreaming like this (guilty as charged) or a few hours for one day to stop.

It inspires me to write lots before I go to bed, even though I'm tired. But if I'm sharing Dakota's burden ... I hate to leave her alone.

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